When I sat down to write this article, I had a clear direction in my mind about how I would present it. I would first engage you with the Hitchcock-like vision of sending your precious baby off to the big-bad-university that was systematically trying to destroy her (or him) all for the sake of saving their reputation and funding. I planned to throw some startling statistics at you and then have a link party to all of the articles talking about the prevalence of sexual violence on campus. Well, seven drafts and two days late for submission, I am still trying to write this article. I thought it would be clear what I wanted to say, but in the end, it is as murky as the Mississippi River.
Initially, my goal was to write about "The Hunting Ground" a documentary that premiered at Sundance with overwhelmingly positive reviews. Film maker Amyu Ziering, one of the forces behind "The Invisible War", a groundbreaking investigation into the epidemic of rape in the U.S. military which, teamed up with Kirby Dick to create a "piercing and monumental expose of rape culture on university campuses."
Through first-person testimonies, expert insight and actual footage, the film follows undergraduate rape survivors pursuing both their education and justice, despite ongoing harassment and the devastating toll it takes on them and their families. Through this documentary, Ziering and Dick uncover an endemic system of institutional cover-ups, victim-blaming and flat out denials that create the perfect forest for predators to hunt for their prey. But not all hope is lost as the film highlights the “Strength of a Woman” capturing survivors who are building a network of those who cannot be stopped and will no longer be silent.
Over the last decade, we have seen an increase in national and global media attention given to sexual assault and rape accusations on college and university campuses. The Duke Lacrosse team, Purdue, Hobart & William Smith, and he most recent UVA and Columbia stories which sparked the “Carry the Weight Together” campaign. Emma Sulkowic, an alleged victim, decided to make a statement by carrying a mattress every day until her accused rapist was either expelled or graduated (it was also part of her graduating thesis/performance piece). The more stories I read, the more confused I became. There is an enormous problem, I am just no longer sure of the root cause.
The issue of rape and sexual assault usually comes down to a he-said-she-said situation. In Sulkowic’s case, her story was denounced by Rolling Stone after they published the original article and fired the writer when her alleged attacker gave an interview claiming that the sex was consensual. Paul Nungesser even offered texts and Facebook messages to show that she knew that their encounter was one of mutual consent. That is not the “typical” behavior of a victim is it? That question has sparked a movement #TheresNoPerfectVictim, much like the #whyistayed, in the wake of the Ray Rice case. History has always demanded that victims of sexual violence show serious bodily harm, as this was apparently an indication that they really didn’t want to have sex. We have laws against bringing in the sexual history of a victim in order to prevent victim-blaming, but that was before the internet and Twitter.
When we report on sexual violence, our immediate reaction is to “protect” the victim and condemn the accused, if they are known. Very seldom do we actually hear from them, but now, amidst this flurry of false accusations that have been making headlines, one is left to wonder where all of this is heading. Those who are outraged by false allegations now have a foundation to build upon which, sadly, can also serve to counter all of the work that has been done for legitimate survivors. For instance, the Community of the Wrongly Accused is just one of the sprouting blogs and websites that thrive on false allegations. Interestingly enough, they also seemed to be engaged in a war with feminists . . . but if you can get past that the blog does seem to raise some valid questions about how allegations of rape are managed in the media and court of public opinion.
Rape happens. Period. It happens in safe places like homes and schools and it even happens in high schools with no apparent consequences (the Steubenville High School case exemplifies how institutional blinders help offenders). It happens on college and university campuses. Universities have always dealt horribly with the circumstances of these allegations for a myriad of reasons; ill equipped, lack of knowledge, personal and/or university interests. But knowing these “truths” makes it harder to sift through the stories and even harder to reconcile the slew of false allegations that have been thrown out as gospel, ruined lives and turned communities against each other. Those that have been “caught” claimed to have made their accusations in the name of feminism (to raise awareness). I am saddened by that as a survivor and as a feminist. Moreover, the false accusation epidemic is having, and will continue to have, a significant impact on real victims. Rape and sexual assault are, statistically, highly underreported and the victims are left to survive in silence. And for those who speak out, unforeseen consequences come with having a voice.
Growing up, there was a boy that I knew. We were close in that he was like a brother to me. He was close with my family; in fact, he was considered part of the family. One night he came over to hang out and as we were watching a movie he just grabbed me and tried to rape me. I was able to break free from him and call the police. I was the one arrested. I remember having to give a statement about what happened and the questions and accusations I got from the police were unreal. Nothing offensive was off limits. The officer took every opportunity to tell me that it never happened, that I wanted it and how my life was going to be ruined by trying to go through with seeking any kind of justice, especially when, according to him, I didn’t deserve it. You see, they were trying to “protect” my attacker. He was a high school football hero and the son of a police officer who had been killed in the line of duty. In their minds, he was one of them and needed to be protected. I knew I wasn’t the first girl he had attacked, sadly I wasn’t the last. A few years later he kidnapped and repeatedly raped his girlfriend and, finally, went to jail. I wish I could say that this was an isolated incident, given the circumstances, but it was merely one of many disappointing encounters I would endure trying to get justice. At some point, you just decide it is better to deal with it, not say anything and try to go on. That is what survivors do . . . survive.
The problem now is that all of the recent false allegations and accusations are only going to push real victims further underground. If they thought the system was stacked against them before, the aftermath of the current situation is going to have some unforeseen consequences. One has to question what the impetus is behind making a false accusation for a crime that, if you have truly experienced it, then you know it is not one to take lightly. Has the birth of reality television really made us so attention starved that we would make such an accusation for our 15-minutes of fame? Or is it that, according to some interesting pundits of the wrongfully accused, a majority of women are suffering from undiagnosed mental disorders that lead them, in their version of reality, to believe something that never happened? Who is culpable? I am confused as to where the lines are, if they actually still exist.
Rape is an act of violence, not sex. Rape is one person's way of exerting control over another person. While an inherent trait in some, for the majority it is a learned behavior, so I guess that means that we, society, bear some responsibility and it looks as though payment is about to come due. The only people who really know what happens behind those scary doors are the people who are there. Even though we can only make decisions based on the information that we have, there are some things that we can do to help level the playing field.
Talk. This is one of the most important tools that we have to fight sexual violence. Talk about the root causes, address deficiencies and ask questions. As the saying goes, the only stupid question is the one not asked.
Listen. Another extremely important tool to fight sexual violence is to listen to what survivors have to say. Listen to cues that you may be getting from potential/actual predators. Listen to what statements and comments are being made by those around you. Get rid of preconceived ideas and simply hear what is being said. If a survivor is sharing their experience, make sure you hear what is being said, as it may save you or a loved one.
Be Non-judgmental. One of the worst things anyone can do is to prejudge a situation before having all the facts. This is especially true in light of recent circumstances that have come to light about rape and sexual assault on university campuses. While it is important that we are diligent, and safe, we need to make sure that we do not rush to knee-jerk reactions simply because something sounds terrible (and who would make it up, right?)
Educate. This is the basis for all the other things you can do. Educate yourself as to what sexual violence is and what it can look like (even if it makes you uncomfortable) and what you can do to prevent it while, at the same time, understanding that it cannot always be prevented. The key is to educate yourself, your children, and your loved ones about what they can do to either be safe or get justice.
Empathize, Don’t Sympathize. One of the worst, worst, worst things you can do to a survivor of sexual (or any form of) violence is to pity them. It is counter-productive and makes them feel as if they need to take care of you. It can also make them feel as though they can’t be free because their reality is too much for you to take. Listen to them, learn from them and take in what they are offering, but never make them feel less of a person for sharing their story with you.
Question. It doesn’t matter what it’s for, if you have a question then ask it! Before deciding on a university, talk to them about their reporting policies. See if the school you have chosen has a policy in place and then question who that policy benefits. If someone is hanging around and it seems or feels strange, then it is. Question it! Listen to the answer and make your nonjudgmental decision. It’s okay to question what others tell you is normal.
These are the things that I can offer you. I so want it to be more, but every case is different and should be judged on its own merits. I recognize that the lines are blurred. When I sat down to write this article, I thought I knew what I wanted to say, but the reality is, it’s as murky as the Mississippi River.